There are many signs and signals that a partnership is coming apart. While some are very individualized to the relationship itself, others are generic. The following is a partial list of those you might want to consider in assessing your relationship. Obviously the absence of these reflect a healthy, enduring and endearing connection:
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•Much quiet time with little meaningful conversation beyond that which is necessary. Little to no sharing.
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•Not doing things together and either going your own separate ways or coexisting more as roommates than partners
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•Many bicker some interactions over relatively minor issues.
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•Occasional angry, raging outbursts in which many hurtful things are shouted back and forth in a denigrating and demeaning manor.
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•Not talking about future hopes, plans, dreams, goals, etcetera and just living day to day without having pleasures to look forward to.
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•Not spending much time laughing, joking and just enjoying life.
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•Having the feeling - silent or spoken - that “if it weren’t for the kids/money/parents/church ... I’d be out of here.”
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•A loss or lack of affection, little to no warm hugs, serious kissing, holding hands, etcetera.
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•A lessening of passion and intimacy as reflected in both the intensity and frequency of love making.
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•Involvement by one or both partners in an out of the marriage beyond friendship relationship, be it sexual or not.
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•An involvement by one or both partners in telephone sex, internet sex, strip clubs, pornography, etcetera.
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•The realization that the only meaningful connections are those surrounding the children or other family members.
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•An inclusion of the children in situations not necessarily appropriate or helpful to the partnership (i.e. having the child i the same room or same bed, having the children always present when going out to eat, sharing frustration about the partner or partnership with the children, communicating through the children, etcetera).
Though I can’t tell you how many checked items making for a dying relationship, you will know where your partnership falls on a scale of healthy, somewhat healthy, not too healthy or dying right before your eyes. Open your eyes if need be and do CPR (Counseling for Partnership and Relationship)
